Virtual Legal Firm

Divorcing with Kids – PUT THEM FIRST!!!

February 18, 2018

When contemplating divorce, it’s completely natural and reasonable to feel hurt, mad, sad, relieved, and excited about looking towards the possibilities of a new future. Whether you’ve been married for one year or thirty, divorce is a huge life change. It deserves to be treated with respect.

If you have children, the most important thing you can do is to PUT THEM FIRST! If you feel like being petty, vindictive, spiteful, using your kids to punish your spouse, stop and THINK ABOUT THE KIDS!  

Our attorneys have practiced family law in more traditional practices outside of MyVirtual.Lawyer. We’ve seen the best of the best and the worst of the worst.  The best is when divorcing couples can take a step back from their own personal feelings and look at the bigger picture. Perhaps they can even work through their issues, questions, or concerns separately or together to come to an agreement about custody, visitation, property, extracurricular activities like dance class and karate, and who gets to take the goldfish home. You can do all of this BEFORE FILING IN COURT. Attorneys and mediators can help you “hear” each other, explain the law, options, and likely outcomes. The worst and most harmful scenario to all involved  is when one or both spouses want to FIGHT.  

Think about it. You’ve already decided you don’t want to live with each other anymore. What good does it do to tie yourself and your children up in the court system for an indefinite amount of time during the divorce? I have a secret for you …. shhhhhh, tell EVERYONE …. Judges DO NOT like to step inside your marriage and family and tell you how to be rational, civil adults. In their perfect world, at least for most, they would make sure the law is upheld and procedural issues are followed. Judges will help with serious disputes but they don’t want to talk to you in court every time you don’t pay your share of the children’s medical expenses or one of you looks cross-eyed at the other during visitation exchanges.  

Obviously, that’s a bit light and jokey, but seriously THINK about it. You and your spouse are the only ones who are uniquely qualified to actually LOOK at your kids and LISTEN to their needs. You know if they’re ok. You know if they need help. You know if they need to talk to someone. When you put all of your energy in to trying to hurt or punish your spouse, how do you have any time to focus on your children?

As you know, your children are little humans who absorb everything. My parents divorced when I was seven years old. My mom moved me and my two brothers to a different state than my father because it made total sense. I literally have no idea what happened between them in their divorce. Do you know why? Because they kept us out of the whole thing. We knew that we were moving and wouldn’t see our dad as much, but they made conscience decisions to PUT US FIRST! We were more important to them than the stuff, the disappointment or the anger. The first time I heard any details about that time was when I was in my twenties. They did it right and we are all better for it.

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